My friend are simply the best!!

My friends (most of you I have not even met in real life) keep me strong!

My friends stand beside me, hold my hand, and let me cry or scream or both.

(Even if they live thousands of miles away)

My friends have super powers!

Did you see how far away they are, yet are able to hold my hand?!?

I am feeling a bit emotional today.

In a warm, snuggly, I have great friends way!!

**I think some of this may be because one awesome friend proposed to another awesome friend today. Romantic shit like this makes me weepy every time.

I feel loved and blessed to have such awesome friends.

I want to thank you!

If I had the abilities, I would stop by and hand you each one of these:

*just don’t be mad, I probably picked it out of your yard!

]]> http://www.jeninreallife.com/2010/07/29/for-my-friends/feed/ 6 http://www.jeninreallife.com/2010/07/28/keep-on-keepin-on/ http://www.jeninreallife.com/2010/07/28/keep-on-keepin-on/#comments Thu, 29 Jul 2010 01:46:57 +0000 jen http://www.jeninreallife.com/?p=1319

picture source

I guess I should be honest and tell you that I am not 100% ok. YES, I know what has to be done but this money stress has me…well…stressed. I am focusing on eating good for me foods. I am tracking my food using my new fitbook and while I am not the best tracker, I am working on it.

I am focusing on the early stages of my half marathon training.  As a total distraction and because my brain is moving in weird circles lately, typing half marathon made me thing of Ryan’s post today.  Should I even call it a half, Mr. NoMoreBacon says 13.1 miles should not be half anything~ but I am not sure what I want to call it. I am training for quite possibly the biggest challenge of my life…so far..so if it isn’t a half what is it!?! How do I refer to my training?I do not and will not call it a race. I am not a fast runner (not even close to being fast) and I still and probably always will use the run:walk method. I do not want to get caught up in trying to be fast. I just want to finish!

I am still fighting the funk. I am still exhausted. Little Miss Lucy has decided that 3am is a good time to play….for an hour! Ummm yeah! This is not conducive to getting up early for working out. I will figure this out. For now, I have only run once this week and I haven’t done any other real workouts. I have been working my butt off at work in the disgusting heat in a building with no air conditioning. I have been cleaning and moving furniture and boxes and books all around the school. Did I mention no air conditioning?!? I may not have logged any strength workout but I have been doing something. Not too impressive, huh?!?

BUT

I am making good-for-me food choices. I am moving and doing something. I am moving and running (ok, it was only once but that was just the beginning)! I have only worked out 1 of the first 3 days of my training. This upset me earlier but now I know I must keep moving forward. I cannot dwell on this “failure” but instead I must dwell on my amazing run yesterday (I will blog about my first run very soon).

My good friend, Jack tells me to just keep doing what I know is right. Day after day.  Day after day after day. I must keep on keepin’ on. Day after day.

Tonight, we finished dinner and I was just all the sudden tired. I was a bit thrown off by this tired because I actually slept in a bit this morning. While Lucy was up at 3am she slept until 7:20 which let me sleep until 7:20 which is a switch from our normal wake up call of 5:30-6ish. I was totally running late for work today but it was sooo worth it. I am tired so I will rest for tomorrow is another 3 mile training run. I did not get an official training workout completed today but I am going to be mindful of my body and right now it is saying it is tired and a tad uncoordinated.

I may not be perfect. My training may not be perfect. But I will keep on keepin’ on! I will keep fighting even at times when it is hard to keep fighting the invisible enemies. I will remain true to myself. It will not always be pretty and positive but it will always be real.

Tonight, while  I was looking for an image for this post,  I found this image: Keep Calm and Carry On.

That is all I got! All I can do!

I will embrace my  NOT-perfectness!!

Can you embrace your not-perfectness?!?

I thought I had it all figured out. And by all I meant ALL of it – ya know, the eating, the working out, the family, and the work. ALL.

And then the roof crashed in on me.

An unexpected bill just zapped every bit of a cushion we had.  To say this was a downer would be too nice. I am pissed. It seems like every time we get situated and comfortable something happens. Murphy’s law anyone?!?!  I am telling you it happens to us all the time.  Big Man has been out of work for over two years and there just doesn’t seem to be anyone hiring in our area. I make a decent living and e are able to survive but let’s be real…I am a teacher so it isn’t like I am making millions.  I don’t get paid regularly in the summer so I budget my savings and summer earnings down to the penny.  Alright, not exactly but pretty dern close.

We don’t have a ton of money for extras but we all have everything we need. In my eyes, that means we are doing just fine. In today’s economy, I’d say we are the lucky ones. We have enough. We are all happy, fed, cool and comfortable. We have everything we need. No one goes without.

For the most part, having Big Man home has been wonderful. He takes care of most of the grocery shopping and a good majority of the housework (most of the time I should say. Since it is summer and I work less and he is a lazy man he will let me do most of the work if I let him).  I think it is very hard on him to still be out of work and not for lack of trying.  I work hard but not long hours.  I love my job…it is my career and I worked my a$$ off for six years to complete 2 bachelor’s degrees and a teaching certification course.

Our unexpected bill came out of nowhere and left us unprepared. I know we should have a better back up plan but it’s hard to have a good savings/back up plan when the budget is stretched so far.  I have gone through the bills and looked at the freezer and we will be ok. It will be hard and things will be tight but we will be ok.  I have to remember that these things happen and I cannot always control everything but I can control myself.

I have not been doing such a good job with control. In fact, the last few days have been exhausting.  First of all, the temperatures are ridiculously high and the humidity is higher.  The heat and humidity tend to drain all energy and motivation. Add on a stressful time and I am just DONE.  I am really low right now. I haven’t been able to think about my eating or working out.

My time with LA Boxing is over and I was hoping I could continue on there or join the gym with a relationship with my school district (hello discounts).  That thought went out the window this week and I think this bothers me the most. I was really enjoying working out regularly away from home.  I was just starting to enjoy running but this heat is crazy and I am totally afraid of falling off my treadmill if I run on it.

On top of all this crap, I am sleep deprived.  A puppy is a lot like a baby; Lucy wakes up in the middle of  the night to go out. I am super happy that she wakes me up but, my sleep is disrupted. I really like my sleep. I am not a morning person and the recent sleep disruptions has really not helped me get up early.  But,  have no fear, Lucy likes to get up around 6-6:30…no matter what time we go to bed or what time she went out in middle of night.  We get up and go out in the yard for a bit then in the house (so I can pee) and then we go for a walk.  Lucy is only 9 weeks old and she has very clumsy, growing legs and she has no leash skills so it takes us 20 minutes to do a 2-block loop.  By the time all that is done I am off to work. I actually have to be at work earlier for summer school than I do during the school year but I only have a week and a half left then all of August off.

A bad side effect of this money stress is that I am now doubting myself. What if I can’t live healthy and eat clean? What if I can’t run a half marathon? Who am I kidding, I am not a runner? Who am I to think I can actually do the work for such a big thing? How can I eat clean with such budget restraints?

Oh Fuck!

What have I gotten myself into?!?

I can’t do this.

I fucking hate doubting myself!

Think! Breathe!

I went to college with a 2 year old on my hip.

I lived with my grandparents so I could go to school with a 2 year old.

I never asked sperm donor for anything. I did it my way.

I graduated college with an 8 year old (almost 9).

I teach at-risk youth (these kids have the hardest lives and this was/is my first teaching job).

I work hard to be a good teacher, a good mom, a good wife.

I did not just make this list because I need accolades. I wrote it to remind myself that I am strong. If I can live through and survive that list I can make it through a little rough patch.  I just needed to remind myself.

A wise friend (I hope she knows who she is) told me to step back, breathe a whole lot, assess and evaluate even more, breathe even more. That friend is wise indeed.

It is time to make a new plan.

I need to take inventory. See what I have to create a workout plan. I will get my running started for real. I will try the treadmill or I will figure out how to deal with Lucy and get out of the house for a run.

I can do this, right?!?

I may need a good drunk or a good cry but I think WILL be ok!! I CAN do this! I just gotta breathe!

**I needed to figure this out. Having this weigh on my mind was blocking me from moving forward and I had writer’s block. I will return to our regularly scheduled ramblings shortly!

Much love, from me to you!!

xox, jen

Derek: [narrating] “Yes or no. In or out. Up or down. Live or die. Hero or coward. Fight or give in. I’ll say it again to make sure you hear me. The human life is made up of choices. Live or die. That’s the important choice. And it’s not always in our hands.”

But sometimes it is in our hands!

I choose to live! I choose to fight.

I have been struggling but that does not mean I am down for the count.

In order to move forward I must look at what happened or did not happen in the past.  In the past few weeks I :

1. did NOT drink enough water

2. did NOT eat the recommended daily count of fruits and veggies

3. did NOT exercise/move my body ever single day

4. ate TOO much (some of it good, some of it not so good)

5. did NOT take my vitamins

I am sure there are more things I did NOT do or did TOO much of but I am going to cap it off at 5 things on the list.

I choose to live! I choose to fight.

I need a plan.

One day One choice at a time.

I have been reading Eat Clean Diet by Tosca Reno and I am about to start In Defense of Food by Michael Pollan. I want to learn more about food and how to properly fuel my body as I get serious about my half marathon training.  While I read and learn, I am going to make small changes.

Things I must do EVER day:

1. drink a TON of water

2. eat one fruit and/or vegetable at every meal and snack

3. go back to  journaling my food ~ I am not counting calories or points – I simply want a record of what I am eating, when, and why. I really want to focus on MINDful eating.

4. take Lucy for a walk every morning and run twice & go to gym twice to end this week.

5. Blog (even short little posts) more often. This blog is my accountability partner.

I choose to live! I choose to fight.  One choice at a time!! What is one choice you will make today for your health and happiness?

*PS: I have totally been in love with Patrick Dempsey when he was a lowly geek on a riding lawn mower.

But today, I decided was a good day  (ok, night) to join my friends!

So, five random facts about me:

1.  I live with a zoo: 4 cats, 3 turtles, 1 puppy plus the husband and kid

2.  I LOVE to read but I never seem to have time for reading. The problem is that if the book if good I can’t/don’t put it down until I have read the whole thing.

3. Sometimes when reading I go into a sort of zone…the world could almost collapse around me and I probably wouldn’t notice. People (husband, child) have tried talking to me while I was reading and I never even heard them.

4.  In high school I was in marching band and I played the flute.  Insert your ‘there was that time at band camp’ jokes. I never went to band camp, btw.

5.  My mother, father, and sister (I have 2 other half-sisters and 1 half-brother who I almost never call half -they have different mom – that is a different thing all together) are all left-handed. I am right handed! Go figure!

So there ya have it, five completely random things about me.  Your turn!

I did relax and veg but I also cuddled and chased around a new puppy.

Yep, you read that correctly…we rescued a beautiful, sweet little lab puppy. Lucy is a 7 week old Lab/Chesapeake Retriever.  I am going to leave this as a very short post but I will leave you with pictures of Lucy and her first week home. She is the cutest thing ever and we love her to pieces.

Lucy vs. Flips size 8.5W

Lucy & Whiskey

napping & watching GH with mom

Lucy and Dad's size 14 extra wide

Lucy is awesome but puppies are a lot of work. Almost like having a baby again but at least she is pretty much housebroken. All the work involved with a puppy is totally worth it! Lucy needed a home and we had the love to share and one day soon when she is full grown she will be my running partner.

Lucy already likes to help with laundry.

Look at the face…puppy power!

I knew I was taking a few days off.

I did not know my blog would decide to “go down” while I was on a bit of a bloggy-break.  I gotta tell you, I needed the break from my online activities. I have been spending way too much time online. And while, I totally love my online life….my blog is Jen in Real Life so I need to live in the real world.

I have been busy but now that the blog is all situated and working again, I will be blogging about all things Jen.  But I will be balancing blog time with family time with training time with….well, I bet you get the idea.

I have lots to update you on but I leave you with this picture of my new baby, Lucy:

Stay tuned, I have much to blog about.

xox, jen

>The karate kid has a birthday on Tuesday and somehow she is going to be 11. How the heck do I have an 11 year old?!?!

>My seniors graduate on Thursday night and I will be there to see it!! I may even be one of those obnoxious people with an air horn!

>Saturday morning we are hitting the highway and heading to Brooklyn for the Further shows. I won’t do any formal workouts on these days but I will be walking around and dancing for the large part of the day.

>I may write weird, strange bullet list posts this week filled with the randomness that is my real life. (yeah, pretty much like this post.) I guess you could say I may be more random than usual, but hey real life is calling.  I may not be online very much this week and with summer here I will probably be online less and less. I will blog because I need to blog – it helps me clear my head – but the rest of my online activities will be more of the hit-and-run variety.

> I will work out. I will train. I will take care of myself. I will eat well balanced meals and I will not overindulge in treats.  I have already re-scheduled my Thursday training session for Friday. It is my goal to run 1-2 miles all 5 work-days this week.

>I will also focus on my sleep between now and Brooklyn…I know the song says “no sleep ’til Brooklyn” but I am hoping for quite the opposite.

Speaking of sleep. I think it is time for me to end this post and get to bed at a reasonable time, especially for a Saturday.

Do you see this picture?!?! I look happy, don’t I? Ok, busted, I am totally happy in this picture, but that is another story.

Do you see the snow in the background? This was a snow day from school – there is like two inches of snow.  We had 6 snow days this year. SIX!!!! I swear only 2 of those days were actually necessary.

I gripe because I still have one full 5-day week left of school. It has been a crazy stressful year. I really need summer break.  I will only have a week off before summer school starts but that is only four weeks and not really stressful. Still work but not too stressful.

I really shouldn’t bitch but I am just tired! This year took a lot out of me but I did get great news this week: I signed my contract for next school year.  A huge weight has been lifted off my chest.  Not that everything is perfect, big man is still out of work but we manage all right. I am just a teacher after all…and only a third year teacher so I am not raking in the millions.

Sorry to gripe a bit tonight but there is another full week of school and I just need a break.

I am contemplating a mini-break from my computer, mainly twitter. Aside from my family,  I am thinking my training has to take priority. Ok, I know that training has to take a priority! And I have to make more time for my family even as I increase training hours.  Summertime with all of us home (for the most part) will keep me busy and probably away from a computer a lot more.  I will be online to log my training and I will keep blogging. Blogging has become an essential for my journey.

I think I need to take some time and go back to basics a bit. Not completely because…well, I know myself. I am a social creature and I love all my online peeps and would miss you all if I didn’t keep tabs. I am just going to limit my online time.

I will be spending time in my real life! I hope you stay along for the ride!

Do you ever find the need to just take a break from it all?!? How do you do it?!?

P.S.  I just realized how completely random this post is and it ends somewhere completely different from where I started but hey, that’s just me! <3 jen