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I guess I should be honest and tell you that I am not 100% ok. YES, I know what has to be done but this money stress has me…well…stressed. I am focusing on eating good for me foods. I am tracking my food using my new fitbook and while I am not the best tracker, I am working on it.

I am focusing on the early stages of my half marathon training.  As a total distraction and because my brain is moving in weird circles lately, typing half marathon made me thing of Ryan’s post today.  Should I even call it a half, Mr. NoMoreBacon says 13.1 miles should not be half anything~ but I am not sure what I want to call it. I am training for quite possibly the biggest challenge of my life…so far..so if it isn’t a half what is it!?! How do I refer to my training?I do not and will not call it a race. I am not a fast runner (not even close to being fast) and I still and probably always will use the run:walk method. I do not want to get caught up in trying to be fast. I just want to finish!

I am still fighting the funk. I am still exhausted. Little Miss Lucy has decided that 3am is a good time to play….for an hour! Ummm yeah! This is not conducive to getting up early for working out. I will figure this out. For now, I have only run once this week and I haven’t done any other real workouts. I have been working my butt off at work in the disgusting heat in a building with no air conditioning. I have been cleaning and moving furniture and boxes and books all around the school. Did I mention no air conditioning?!? I may not have logged any strength workout but I have been doing something. Not too impressive, huh?!?

BUT

I am making good-for-me food choices. I am moving and doing something. I am moving and running (ok, it was only once but that was just the beginning)! I have only worked out 1 of the first 3 days of my training. This upset me earlier but now I know I must keep moving forward. I cannot dwell on this “failure” but instead I must dwell on my amazing run yesterday (I will blog about my first run very soon).

My good friend, Jack tells me to just keep doing what I know is right. Day after day.  Day after day after day. I must keep on keepin’ on. Day after day.

Tonight, we finished dinner and I was just all the sudden tired. I was a bit thrown off by this tired because I actually slept in a bit this morning. While Lucy was up at 3am she slept until 7:20 which let me sleep until 7:20 which is a switch from our normal wake up call of 5:30-6ish. I was totally running late for work today but it was sooo worth it. I am tired so I will rest for tomorrow is another 3 mile training run. I did not get an official training workout completed today but I am going to be mindful of my body and right now it is saying it is tired and a tad uncoordinated.

I may not be perfect. My training may not be perfect. But I will keep on keepin’ on! I will keep fighting even at times when it is hard to keep fighting the invisible enemies. I will remain true to myself. It will not always be pretty and positive but it will always be real.

Tonight, while  I was looking for an image for this post,  I found this image: Keep Calm and Carry On.

That is all I got! All I can do!

I will embrace my  NOT-perfectness!!

Can you embrace your not-perfectness?!?

Monday – Not a bad day. After school, I went to a new podiatrist and while, Dr. H is not my dear sweet Dr. Mo, he is pretty awesome! Dr. H really looked at my feet and listened to all the joint issues I have and he took x-rays and explained everything. I left his office with my right arch all taped up and heel pads for both feet. I have to keep the tape on for a week and I can’t get it wet. Showers have sucked all week.  Hopefully my insurance will not be dicks and I can get orthotics.  More details as I get them.

Tuesday – PMS came and with it came cramping, bloating, and a wicked headache but I was able to just say screw it and go to boxing class.  It was definitely NOT my best boxing class but I made it through.

Wednesday – I got a text from my husband during my first class. My phone just started beeping like crazy which meant I had a picture message. I ignored it until the dang phone just kept beeping. I checked it and Big Man texted “I AM OK” and then “I AM OK” with a picture. The picture was of a dump truck with the dump part broken off and on the ground. Talk about stressing me out. He is ok. He had the dump up and the arm that holds it snapped. Big Man got jostled all around and had a wicked headache but because the dump actually broke off the truck did not flip and roll.

Thursday – I think the stress of Wednesday and the pain of period had taken its toll on me! I fell asleep on the couch and I did not go to boxing class. I didn’t do much of anything. My joints, especially my knees, were so achy. AND after two days of headaches, I just passed out on the couch!

Friday – I thought having my hair done would make me feel better and it did for a bit. Then I got home and I was just so tired. I think I fell asleep on the couch by 9pm.

Saturday (yesterday) – I was still tired but I knew I had to get stuff done around the house. I mowed the lawn and we cleaned the house. We even hit the produce market then a local joint to look for tomato plants….they are not quite ready so we will go back next week.

Today is Sunday and I have not done much this week. I joined a few challenges but I was unable to start them. I joined the challenges because I was hoping that the challenges would spark me out of this bad week/bad period/fucking miserable attitude.  This week, however, I think my hormones got the best of me. I am feeling incredibly guilty about signing up for challenges and then not even starting them.  I am not going to just give up on the challenges.

INSTEAD

I am going to use the challenges to help me get out of this fuckity fuck of a funk I find myself in.

1. Shrinking Jeans 21 Day Challenge….I blogged about it but never really started.

2. I am walking to Miami with Trish.  Even though I live closer to Miami I am going to step right alongside Trish – 1733 miles! Which is approximately 4,575,120 steps!

3. 60 Miles in the month of May. This is a DailyMile challenge.

4. I am going to run a 5K on June 6th. I am going to run and train and I am going to run that WW Walk-It Day Challenge.

I have challenges and I have to stop being such a lousy fucking slacker. Periods, full moons, headaches, achy knees can all be damned!! I am moving on!

I am starting my challenges TODAY!!! Today is the day I say “ENOUGH” to all the excuses!!

Nothing will stand in my way, I deserve to take the time for me!! My family deserves for me to be the BEST me I can be!!

I am off to strap on my pedometer, gruve and HRM. They have all been neglected this week and it is high time I get my ass in gear!!

Will you help me stay accountable??

Today is the final weigh in for the Shrinking Jeans Spring Fling and I am pleased to report a loss for the week and a 4.6 pound loss for the total 8-week challenge. Last week I completely missed my weigh in. I got to work before I even realized what day of the week it was. I am happy to say I have finally pulled out of the getting sick, gaining weight, spring break, gaining weight FUNK I have been in since getting sick after Fitbloggin.

Funk gone!! Obliterated!!

Saturday I went to my first ever boxing class at LA Boxing. I loved it! Some people say yoga is their go to exercise to clear their minds. Yoga pisses me off!! There I said it!! I cannot get yoga! I can’t turn my brain off and I feel so uncoordinated and clumsy – which I totally am but that’s not the point. I think about all my stuff and I just plainly never get comfortable in yoga but boxing, that is somethin’ else!! I can only think about what I am being told to do: jump squats, lunges, shadow boxing, jumping jacks, and I know there are more but I cannot seem to be able to think about them right now.

Tuesday I went in for another class. Did I mention how Tuesday was the first day I wasn’t sore from Saturday’s class?!?! Still, I went. I have been given an amazing opportunity and I intend to make the absolute most out of the time I have at LA Boxing.  Tuesday’s class seemed a little harder at times and much sweatier. I woke up today feeling great, not sore at all.  By the end of the day, however, I am feeling a bit of muscle tightness. Nothing a hot shower and time won’t cure. Last night I slept like a rock!! I hit the pillow at about 10:30 and next thing I knew it was 5:55am.

Great workout = Great night’s sleep!!

As one

challenge ends, I find another!!

I am such a challenge junkie!! I just can’t help myself.

I read Mish’s post Fight to the Finish: Ready for War and I was instantly hooked. I am feeling revived and ready to “do this thing!”

So me, you, Mish & Ryan are getting into fighting shape!! We have 6 weeks to lose as much as we can…each in our own ways but I request we all do it safely and healthy. Weight loss will be based on % loss (Biggest Loser style). The prize: a hot sexy body in time for summer! HAHA!!

My starting weight for challenge: 189.8

Goal weight (for challenge): 180 lbs

Total Goal weight: 142 lbs

Will you join me in this exciting Fight…I mean challenge?!?!

See ya next week!

I know, you are sitting there wondering what happened to my break up with Weight Watchers.  There were many reasons for leaving WW and I do not regret my choice but when I was offered 3 months of online access to blog and participate in the Walk-it challenge I had to accept. {FTC- do ya’ll see, free} I will not be going to meetings and I am going to work on working the program but not letting it consume me. I love this walking challenge and I am so glad I am blogging about it again this year. This year, however, I am going to complete the running challenge.  I have already started to run and I like it. I have flounced around with a few different training plans and I have been less than consistent since I got sick a few weeks ago. WW’s Walk-It Challenge is just the spark I need to get my ass moving.

I should have started this training last week and I kind of did but not really.  I am a bit more advanced than week 1 and I was in a funk so I am going to start at week 2 this week. That means I will be ready for my first running 5K on June 6th – Weight Watcher’s Official Walk-It Day. I really wanted to run this at an official WW event but there are no official WW events in New Jersey at all and the closest even is easily 2 hours away.

What does a girl do?

Well, she decides that there will be a 5K right in her backyard….ok not literally but close enough.

I’m walkin, yes indeed and I’m talkin bout you and me
I’m hopin that you’ll come back to me, uh uh

I have decided that I will start recruiting people (virtually and in real life) to join me in walking or running training and complete a 5K on June 6th. I live one block from a very nice bike path or we could use one of the boardwalks (Atlantic City or Ocean City more than likely).  I am going to go back to my old WW meeting next Saturday and recruit my friends to walk or run with me for the Walk-It Day.

AND, Big Man has started the walking training program. I am so excited that my husband is taking an active role in fixing his health.  I love when we go out to the bike path together. We only start together but we are together….ya know?!?

Do you want to train with me?!?! Will you walk or run a 5K (either an actual event or your own mapped out course) on June 6th?

A gain! It sucks but it is what it is! I am not surprised at all about the gain but I was a bit surprised to gain over 3 pounds.  I have not worked out since last Wednesday. I have had a nasty case of bronchitis. I was down and out: sore throat and aches all over!

And just because being a girl is oh so much fun, my little friend decided to be wonderfully on time! OH JOY!

I did not allow myself to eat like crazy! In fact there were times when I was just too dang tired to want to eat. Big Man wouldn’t let me starve and even made me homemade soup! I drank an entire carton of orange juice on Sunday. I drank a crapton of coffee.

Life happens & the scale sucks. What really sucks is I am on a team for the current Shrinking Jeans challenge. Gaining makes me feel like I let my team down.

Moving on!!

How does one move on?!? She makes a workout pledge with some friends and she walks for 90 minutes!!

Yep, I walked 90 minutes this afternoon! I promised Mary and Steve!! I am so glad that I got my butt out there and walked. It was not my best showing at all and I felt so out of shape. Every inch on my body let me know it has been one week of lounging on the couch since I last worked out. I kept going! I had my tunes (I listened to the Dead show from 5.1.09 in Philly) and I had a beautiful blue, warm sky. One foot in front of the other! I usually cannot turn my brain off but today I did! I just let the walk happen.

Thanks Mary!! I needed to get my butt back out there and this was the perfect time and way to do it! I just walked – no worries for speed or distance just had to walk for 90 minutes!

Current Weight: 198.8  lbs
Previous Weight: 190.2  lbs
Weight loss: -1.4 lbs
Weight loss in March: -6.0 lbs
Starting Weight: 242.6 lbs
Weight loss total: -53.8 lbs

Weigh-ins are getting easier! I just step on the scale, make a mental note, and go about getting ready for school. I am loving Wednesday weigh-ins; I am so not with it enough on a school morning to really dwell on anything the scale can throw at me. I also like weighing in on the same day as the hookers over at Shrinking Jeans. They are currently in the middle of the Spring Fling challenge and this is the second challenge I have joined in with them! I have been a shrinking hooker since January.  I love how the Sisters design challenges and projects around community and the mental side of weight loss!

The Sisters have a new challenge!! 16 sisters and 1 brother have hooked up with Team In Training through The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society and will be running a half-marathon in San Diego in June. When the Sisters first started this training I wanted to join but I was not a runner!! In fact, I swore I was not a runner. Plus I am still in school in June so there would be no way I could make it to San Diego. Now, I am super jealous because I would totally love to go and run a half with ShrinkingJeans team!

So, I can’t be in San Diego but I can help!! I donated $30 to the cause. It is not a lot but it is my contribution. I am also working on a plan to participate in my own half at home the same time the girls will be in San Diego!

Can you spare $5 for this wonderful cause??

Just $5 will enter you in the awesome giveaways hosted by Shrinking Jeans. Click on the purple badge (it is your invitation to the most awesomest party going) and read more!! Help my friends help people in need!!

How did I work my goals this week?!

1. Lose 5 pounds per month – I lost 14 pounds over the last 10 weeks. Success!! I have changed my whole outlook on the scale. Fuck it!! The scale is just one piece of the puzzle and I am not living my life according to the scale.  I want to be healthy and strong and that is not any particular number on the scale!

2. Walk 15 miles each week - since starting the Couch to 5K my mileage has decreased! At first, this bothered me! I set a goal and I wanted to keep to it!! On non-”running” days I was walking with Leslie Sansone at least 3 miles. I was so exhausted and my legs were not very happy with me. I have since scaled my mileage back and I am letting my body tell me what it can handle. I did walk with my girlfriends last Saturday and we hit almost 4 miles. I am still getting around 10 miles each week. I am calling this a work in progress! and a success!!

3. Strength train 3x each week, every week -I also completed week 3 of the Bob Green 8, week total Body Makeover dvd that I won from Shrinking Jeans. I actually did 5 Bob Greene workouts this week! I feel so weak when I finish these workouts and I have been so sore! But I feel AMAZING!! Who knew sore could feel so great!?!?!

4. find and prepare one new healthy recipe (or food) - I am not sure I really accomplished this task this week! I did change my eating up a bit. I am sort of following the Body for Life way of eating. This week was a transition into the “clean” way of eating. Last weekend I went to the produce store and came home with a buttload of greens! I swear, I ate some many vegetables this week that I feel green!

What you don’t know about Jen…..

I am a picky eater! I have major issues with texture so certain foods I just would not even try because of the way they looked! I only recently started eating peppers & tomatoes! I hate tapioca and rice pudding, oatmeal bothers me and fried onions make me cringe! I love the smell of fried onions but will not put them in my mouth! I now will eat peppers but they must have some crunch left and I haven’t quite figured out roasted red peppers!

A Reflection on the last 10 weeks:

I have learned so much in the last 10 weeks. I always set out to be better in the new year!! 2010 truly is the year of Jen!! I am kicking ass! I am changing and becoming the strong, healthy, fanfuckingtastic woman I have always wanted to be! I am gaining confidence with each new “thing” that comes my way! I am challenging my mind and body!

Stay tuned!! This challenge may be over but I am just getting started!!

Keep on keepin’ on!!

WEEKLY WEIGH IN STATS

Current Weight: 190.2  lbs
Previous Weight: 192.4  lbs
Weight loss: -2.2 lbs
Weight loss in March: -4.6 lbs
Starting Weight: 242.6 lbs
Weight loss total: -52.4 lbs

To go along with my break up with WW meetings I am also changing my weigh in day to Wednesdays. I made this change for a number of reasons:

1. I have joined yet another Shrinking Jeans Challenge. The sisters have Wednesday weigh ins and it just seemed like a logical switch.

2. School mornings are too busy to dwell on what numbers pop up on the scale. I literally step on the scale record the number and move about my day. Saturdays were becoming all about the scale.

3. and finally, I love alliteration so weigh in Wednesday just works for me!!

**This is a short post but I still need to get my workout done! I have been blogging a little bit more often these days but some of my posts are shorter than usual…..what do you think? Do you like more posts or longer, less often post?!?!

Fleetwood Mac: Monday Morning

Go ahead!! Click the link and listen to the song!! Ya know ya want to!!

A Change will do you good:

This past week was very interesting! I decided to quit Weight Watchers. I have loved my meetings and I have learned so much but I am starting to waver with why I am at those meetings!! I have also been having a lot of guilty feelings. I have been feeling guilty about what I am eating, guilty about counting & not counting all my points, guilty about spending the money on WW!

I hit the cancel button! I canceled my WW account. As of April 1 I will no longer be a WWer. I feel oddly relieved about this.

Wednesday will be my new weigh-in day! I chose Wednesdays so that I can be in sync with Shrinking Jeans since I LOVE their challenges!! I weighed in at 192.4 for a 2 pound loss this week. I am just recording  the number and moving on. My success is not and WILL NOT be determined solely based on the number on the scale.

I am still training to run a 5K! I have completed week 2 of the Couch to 5K training! I actually LOVE slogging!! I call it slogging ~~ Slow jogging/walking is totally the way for me!! Here comes week 3!! I love challenging myself and this is the way to go! The kid is super happy about my running ventures. She is going to slog with me on days we can hit the school track. I am going to sign up for a 5K at the end of the training and when I can run 3 miles + I have decided to sign up for the Warrior Dash in Maryland in October.  This race looks like so much fun!! I am in training!!

I also finished Week 2 of the Bob Greene 8 Week Total Body Makeover. I love these workouts! They are short but powerful! I feel like I am getting stronger. I have been trying to break into strength training. I want to strength train and I know how good it will be for me but I am so clueless! I love simple workouts at home and this one fits the bill!!

I am revamping my food plan this week. I am cutting out more processed food and concentrating on whole grains and lean proteins and LOTS of fruits and veg! I am aiming for Monday – Friday to be awesome food days (now white flour, no sugar and lots of the good stuff)! This gives me the weekend to let loose a little but still make good choices. This will also allow me to eat without feeling guilty. I can record what I eat without worrying about a certain # of points.

Slogger training has made me hungrier than usual and I want to feed my body so that I can continue to make progress.  I feel like this eating “plan” I am working on will be better for me! I will be eating all the right foods, or clean,  80-90% of the time and I think this will allow me to break my guilty feelings about food.  I will be posting about this more often! I have not blogged about my food feelings very much because I am just now realizing I have feelings about food! I will come back to this topic.

NON SCALE VICTORY:

Yesterday, I put on a thumb ring that I have not been able to wear in at least 6 years! It is not tight either!! It fits perfectly!!

This week, I am going to ROCK week 3 of the Couch to 5K and week 3 of Bob Greene!

This week, I am going to eat so many veggies I may turn green! LOL!

This week, I am going to plan and prep for each day the night before (just like I make my daughter do before bed)!

This week, I am going to enjoy my life!!

How will you enjoy your week?

How did I work my goals this week?!

1. Lose 5 pounds per month – we are very early in the month and almost to the end of this challenge and I am totally rethinking this goal. I never do well with setting specific weight # goals for specific time periods.

2. Walk 15 miles each week - Tomorrow morning, I will complete Week 2 of Couch to 5K training! My mileage is down this week and I may only get 9 or 10 total miles. Again, this is a goal I am rethinking. I am now training to run and I don’t want to stress miles for this I just want to finish the Couch to 5K and run my first 5K. I am still walking with Leslie Sansone in my living room a few times each week.

3. Strength train 3x each week, every week -I also completed week 2 of the Bob Green 8, week total Body Makeover dvd that I won from Shrinking Jeans.

4. find and prepare one new healthy recipe (or food) - I did make Bubbles & Squeak….a new recipe with cabbage, potatoes, ham…and a wee-bit of bacon! It was quite yummy!

We had state testing at school this week and state test sucks! There was, however, one or two benefits to testing: I had tons of time for thinking and re-evaluation, I was able to recover my sore leg muscles without teenagers teasing me!  I am at a good place, mentally, and I feel I am ready for some changes. I broke up with WW this week and I feel very good about this choice. I may not have reached every goal all the way but I discovered something this week: I like working out; I like sore muscles; and even though I many workout later than I should, I am getting it done!!

What you don’t know about Jen…..

I love to watch old movies with Big Man. Old Westerns, classics, war movies, etc. I have a wee bit of a crush on William Powell and Myrna Loy in the Thin Man movies!! John Wayne and Clint Eastwood are men’s men and have seen damn near every movie from them. I love John Wayne and Maureen O’Hara is another old movie couple I love to watch! There are so many!! Too many to count! Funny thing, I never saw or heard of any of these movies before I met Big Man!