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I guess I should be honest and tell you that I am not 100% ok. YES, I know what has to be done but this money stress has me…well…stressed. I am focusing on eating good for me foods. I am tracking my food using my new fitbook and while I am not the best tracker, I am working on it.

I am focusing on the early stages of my half marathon training.  As a total distraction and because my brain is moving in weird circles lately, typing half marathon made me thing of Ryan’s post today.  Should I even call it a half, Mr. NoMoreBacon says 13.1 miles should not be half anything~ but I am not sure what I want to call it. I am training for quite possibly the biggest challenge of my life…so far..so if it isn’t a half what is it!?! How do I refer to my training?I do not and will not call it a race. I am not a fast runner (not even close to being fast) and I still and probably always will use the run:walk method. I do not want to get caught up in trying to be fast. I just want to finish!

I am still fighting the funk. I am still exhausted. Little Miss Lucy has decided that 3am is a good time to play….for an hour! Ummm yeah! This is not conducive to getting up early for working out. I will figure this out. For now, I have only run once this week and I haven’t done any other real workouts. I have been working my butt off at work in the disgusting heat in a building with no air conditioning. I have been cleaning and moving furniture and boxes and books all around the school. Did I mention no air conditioning?!? I may not have logged any strength workout but I have been doing something. Not too impressive, huh?!?

BUT

I am making good-for-me food choices. I am moving and doing something. I am moving and running (ok, it was only once but that was just the beginning)! I have only worked out 1 of the first 3 days of my training. This upset me earlier but now I know I must keep moving forward. I cannot dwell on this “failure” but instead I must dwell on my amazing run yesterday (I will blog about my first run very soon).

My good friend, Jack tells me to just keep doing what I know is right. Day after day.  Day after day after day. I must keep on keepin’ on. Day after day.

Tonight, we finished dinner and I was just all the sudden tired. I was a bit thrown off by this tired because I actually slept in a bit this morning. While Lucy was up at 3am she slept until 7:20 which let me sleep until 7:20 which is a switch from our normal wake up call of 5:30-6ish. I was totally running late for work today but it was sooo worth it. I am tired so I will rest for tomorrow is another 3 mile training run. I did not get an official training workout completed today but I am going to be mindful of my body and right now it is saying it is tired and a tad uncoordinated.

I may not be perfect. My training may not be perfect. But I will keep on keepin’ on! I will keep fighting even at times when it is hard to keep fighting the invisible enemies. I will remain true to myself. It will not always be pretty and positive but it will always be real.

Tonight, while  I was looking for an image for this post,  I found this image: Keep Calm and Carry On.

That is all I got! All I can do!

I will embrace my  NOT-perfectness!!

Can you embrace your not-perfectness?!?

Last night, my darling husband says to me, “you want some oreos and milk?” To which of course I say, “why yes darling, I do.”

I have absolutely no will power.  I can’t even remember the last time I had oreos and milk.  The last few weeks I have been hungry all the time. Boxing and kickboxing give me a huge appetite. I have not denied myself much of anything and I cannot convince myself any longer that I can eat this way.

I am not even sure how it happened. I stopped counting points and calories. I hate all the tracking. I convinced myself that I could eat like this because of my workouts.  Boxing and kickboxing are both amazing workouts and I have been pushing myself in ways I did not know I had in me.  I have not pushed myself this hard …well, ever.  I convinced myself I could eat whatever…I mean I am burning 800 – 1000 calories each and every class I take.

Even after gains and minimal losses I have convinced myself that it is ok.

IT IS NOT OK!!!

I am working way too hard in boxing and kickboxing classes. I am working with a personal trainer once a week. I am walking on days I am not in the gym. I want to go back to running as soon as I have my new orthotics.  However, running is going to freaking hurt if my knees continue to be achy like they are right now.  I am almost positive (and I will be researching this very topic) that there is a connection between sugar and achy joints and tiredness.

After a very awesome personal training session today I spoke with Butch (the manager of my local LA Boxing). He asked me how I was making out with my goals. I told him that I am basically at the same weight as when I started about a month ago. He called me on the carpet: he asked me how my eating has been! The nerve of that man!!! I countered that my body was changing and I felt tighter and more toned. Hell, I actually feel muscles in my arms and I can do lunges. I have made improvements in the past month but the scale was basically at the same spot. Then Butch asked me what my results would be like if I was eating better??

No Oreos for me tonight.

Instead:

*I will focus on what my body needs.

*I will journal my food.

*I will figure the best way for me to track.

*I will focus on fresh, healthy foods.

*I will not beat myself up if I am not perfect.

Let me repeat that one: I WILL NOT BEAT MYSELF UP IF I AM NOT PERFECT!!!

I want to be a knockout!! I wanna be a strong, sexy, badass woman!! I know what I need to do to get there…now it is just a matter of “manning up” and doing it!!

**good night my friends, more on this topic will come but for now it is bed time. And I need my beauty sleep…another essential element to this weight loss/get healthy journey I am on.

P.S. A special thanks to Trish and Dr.Mo!! You ladies know how to make a girl smile and feel loved!

I have been watching that Jaime Oliver’s show and it really has me thinking and rethinking about food. I have been struggling a bit since I stopped counting points. I am more satisfied and I am eating better foods…most of the time but I have allowed more “questionable” food choices.  I gained and I am back in the 190s. I like eating better and “real” food but I have to learn the off switch. I am not giving up! I am actually even more resolved to figure out how to eat healthy real food, eliminate some processed foods (I am not willing at this time to give up my sugar free french vanilla creamer), and lose weight! Believe it or not, menu planning helps me in huge ways. Knowing what is for dinner eases my mind. I owe all my menu planning success to my good friend, Jenna (go check out her menu planners blog roll)

Without further ado, my menu for week of 4.19.2010:

Monday: Sirloin steaks with home-”fried” potatoes and brussel sprouts

Tuesday: Turkey Sloppy Joes and a big salad (I always think about Elaine Benes)

Wednesday: Stuffed Peppers. This is a kid request. She really likes my barley stuffed peppers. I will probably add another big salad as a side dish.

Thursday: Grilled Chicken Caesar Salad and a Boboli pizza. (One day I will learn to make my own pizza dough)

Friday: Shrimp with Pasta and Veg

Dinners are planned out and I will grill up extra chicken to have with leftover salad and veggies for most lunches. Leftovers will make up the rest.

PEOPLE, I need your help.  Usually I can eat the same food over and over, day in and day out, but I am getting tired of eggs every morning. I love eggs but I need something that is just as filling and lasting as eggs but just as quick since I am getting ready for work. Tell me people, what do you eat for breakfast? How long does it take to make?

++I should mention: I do not like oatmeal and even when I choked it down I never found it filling.

On the menu this week:

Sunday: Beef Stew & a salad

Monday:  Pork Tinga with Potatoes, Avocado & cheese. I found this recipe today while I watching a Rick Bayless cooking show on NJN

Tuesday: Soup & Sandwiches ~ Big Man is going to make his awesome ham & bean soup!

Wednesday: Cheesesteaks, oven fries and a slaw/salad (I  have been addicted to this ww recipe )

Thursday:  I will heat up the crab & spinach lasagne is already made and in the freezer. Add some grilled chicken to some romaine and we have a salad.

Friday: Kid’s Night!! The kid has requested Hot Dog Casserole ~ hotdogs and baked beans baked in the oven! I will add a big salad to my plate ~ lame-o mom doesn’t really like hot dogs but I love my kid!

*I have been re-working my thoughts on food and weight loss and dieting. I am finally not on a diet! I em enjoying food again. I am working on adding extra veggies in every meal.  My food hasn’t really changed, only been enhanced. I am eating more of the “good stuff” and less food overall. I am thinking about food less often and that is a good thing. I still think about food but not is a weird obsessive way. I know what foods are good for me and I know what foods are bad for me…I mean seriously, does anyone think fried chicken is good for them?!?! But knowing ad doing are two completely different things!

I am finally getting to the doing part! But I am not perfect! So cheesesteaks and hot dogs still find their way into our dinners! But we don’t order out because those cheesesteaks are too greasy and I make a much better cheesesteak!

I am back to menu planning after taking a few weeks off! I still planned (sort of) but did not blog my menu! Food was giving me anxiety and I needed to figure out why! I think I finally have a grasp on it!

Do you menu plan? Why or why not?

jen

I have been making changes to my diet. A few weeks ago I officially broke up with Weight Watchers (but they totally screwed me and charged me for another month)! I made this decision for several reasons:

1. Money ~ WW is $40/month and well Big Man is still out of work. On Monday I received a pink slip (but it was on white paper) so no more unnecessary spending.

2. Obsessed ~ I was beginning to go points-crazy! I was so obsessed about how many points and tracking that I was going crazy. Then there was the incident with mini-me: she asked me how many points were in her snack and I freaked! My mom was always on some diet or another and she didn’t always speak kindly about my body size and/or shape. She went through a brown, cardboard phase and one year there was pineapple in ever dish on the Easter table. I do NOT want my daughter growing up like I did!

3. Guilt ~ I began to hate tracking my points! Everything I ate was causing me great upset. Anytime I ate too much or the wrong food I was feeling so guilty. I love food but I was beginning to dread eating. When I started running a few weeks ago, I realized I was hungry a lot but when I ate extra (even though it was good stuff like veggies and chicken) I felt guilty.

Worse, I wasn’t losing any real weight! I was floundering with my weight loss and I was starting to hate the whole process. I just want to be normal…whatever the hell that even means. I don’t want to have to obsess about food. I want to eat what my body needs and enjoy food (all food) and not analyze and agonize over what I can and cannot, should and should not eat.

A few weeks ago, I chatted with a friend and we discussed food options. She was trying out Body for Life and I admit, I like many things about BFL. For the most part BFL looks like a great place to start – it seems like a very “clean” way to eat, even though I am not sure I understand what that means exactly. I have been trying to eat close to the BFL way and so far I like it! But while at Fitbloggin I listened to a very interesting man named David Grotto and I found myself nodding along to a lot of what he was saying. And then later I got to shake hands and chat with DG and he knew who I was!!!! I mean seriously, he knew me!! Craziness!!

“Adding IN” not “taking out”

I love this concept. Instead of eliminating foods and craving them I just add in healthy stuff! I have been doing this to some extent but this week I am kicking it up a notch. I add spinach to my eggs, zucchini to my eggs and pasta sauce, and actually I had a bag of spinach and I have added spinach to leftovers, salads, sandwiches, eggs, and I am sure I will find more ways to squeeze in more veg.

In the few weeks since I stopped counting points I feel like I have been making better food choices and the scale has been kind. You know I only hold so much stock in the scale but I have been losing with more consistency. I also have been feeling awesome! I love adding extra veggies to each meal. I have been eating extra fruit every day. Funny thing is ~ I am probably eating the same calories (I don’t really keep track) but I am definitely more satisfied.

A change will do you good!!! That just came out of nowhere but I suddenly caught myself singing.

keep on keepin’ on, jen

How did I work my goals this week?!

1. Lose 5 pounds per month – I lost 14 pounds over the last 10 weeks. Success!! I have changed my whole outlook on the scale. Fuck it!! The scale is just one piece of the puzzle and I am not living my life according to the scale.  I want to be healthy and strong and that is not any particular number on the scale!

2. Walk 15 miles each week - since starting the Couch to 5K my mileage has decreased! At first, this bothered me! I set a goal and I wanted to keep to it!! On non-”running” days I was walking with Leslie Sansone at least 3 miles. I was so exhausted and my legs were not very happy with me. I have since scaled my mileage back and I am letting my body tell me what it can handle. I did walk with my girlfriends last Saturday and we hit almost 4 miles. I am still getting around 10 miles each week. I am calling this a work in progress! and a success!!

3. Strength train 3x each week, every week -I also completed week 3 of the Bob Green 8, week total Body Makeover dvd that I won from Shrinking Jeans. I actually did 5 Bob Greene workouts this week! I feel so weak when I finish these workouts and I have been so sore! But I feel AMAZING!! Who knew sore could feel so great!?!?!

4. find and prepare one new healthy recipe (or food) - I am not sure I really accomplished this task this week! I did change my eating up a bit. I am sort of following the Body for Life way of eating. This week was a transition into the “clean” way of eating. Last weekend I went to the produce store and came home with a buttload of greens! I swear, I ate some many vegetables this week that I feel green!

What you don’t know about Jen…..

I am a picky eater! I have major issues with texture so certain foods I just would not even try because of the way they looked! I only recently started eating peppers & tomatoes! I hate tapioca and rice pudding, oatmeal bothers me and fried onions make me cringe! I love the smell of fried onions but will not put them in my mouth! I now will eat peppers but they must have some crunch left and I haven’t quite figured out roasted red peppers!

A Reflection on the last 10 weeks:

I have learned so much in the last 10 weeks. I always set out to be better in the new year!! 2010 truly is the year of Jen!! I am kicking ass! I am changing and becoming the strong, healthy, fanfuckingtastic woman I have always wanted to be! I am gaining confidence with each new “thing” that comes my way! I am challenging my mind and body!

Stay tuned!! This challenge may be over but I am just getting started!!

Keep on keepin’ on!!

Fleetwood Mac: Monday Morning

Go ahead!! Click the link and listen to the song!! Ya know ya want to!!

A Change will do you good:

This past week was very interesting! I decided to quit Weight Watchers. I have loved my meetings and I have learned so much but I am starting to waver with why I am at those meetings!! I have also been having a lot of guilty feelings. I have been feeling guilty about what I am eating, guilty about counting & not counting all my points, guilty about spending the money on WW!

I hit the cancel button! I canceled my WW account. As of April 1 I will no longer be a WWer. I feel oddly relieved about this.

Wednesday will be my new weigh-in day! I chose Wednesdays so that I can be in sync with Shrinking Jeans since I LOVE their challenges!! I weighed in at 192.4 for a 2 pound loss this week. I am just recording  the number and moving on. My success is not and WILL NOT be determined solely based on the number on the scale.

I am still training to run a 5K! I have completed week 2 of the Couch to 5K training! I actually LOVE slogging!! I call it slogging ~~ Slow jogging/walking is totally the way for me!! Here comes week 3!! I love challenging myself and this is the way to go! The kid is super happy about my running ventures. She is going to slog with me on days we can hit the school track. I am going to sign up for a 5K at the end of the training and when I can run 3 miles + I have decided to sign up for the Warrior Dash in Maryland in October.  This race looks like so much fun!! I am in training!!

I also finished Week 2 of the Bob Greene 8 Week Total Body Makeover. I love these workouts! They are short but powerful! I feel like I am getting stronger. I have been trying to break into strength training. I want to strength train and I know how good it will be for me but I am so clueless! I love simple workouts at home and this one fits the bill!!

I am revamping my food plan this week. I am cutting out more processed food and concentrating on whole grains and lean proteins and LOTS of fruits and veg! I am aiming for Monday – Friday to be awesome food days (now white flour, no sugar and lots of the good stuff)! This gives me the weekend to let loose a little but still make good choices. This will also allow me to eat without feeling guilty. I can record what I eat without worrying about a certain # of points.

Slogger training has made me hungrier than usual and I want to feed my body so that I can continue to make progress.  I feel like this eating “plan” I am working on will be better for me! I will be eating all the right foods, or clean,  80-90% of the time and I think this will allow me to break my guilty feelings about food.  I will be posting about this more often! I have not blogged about my food feelings very much because I am just now realizing I have feelings about food! I will come back to this topic.

NON SCALE VICTORY:

Yesterday, I put on a thumb ring that I have not been able to wear in at least 6 years! It is not tight either!! It fits perfectly!!

This week, I am going to ROCK week 3 of the Couch to 5K and week 3 of Bob Greene!

This week, I am going to eat so many veggies I may turn green! LOL!

This week, I am going to plan and prep for each day the night before (just like I make my daughter do before bed)!

This week, I am going to enjoy my life!!

How will you enjoy your week?

Dinners

Sunday:  Quesadillas with Rice & Beans

Monday: Oven “Fried” chicken with vegetable and noodles

Tuesday:  Soup, Sandwiches, and Salad

Wednesday: Sloppy Joes and a Salad

Thursday: Chicken Stirfry over Barley instead of rice!

Friday: Pork Chops Stuffed with Smoked Gouda & Bacon with cabbage & potatoes on the side

Lunch Options

Chicken or Tuna with Veggies & mixed greens  in a whole wheat pita

Green Salad with chicken

Leftover veggies with sandwiches

Breakfast Choices

2 eggs scambled with veg, whole grain english muffin

oatmeal with berries and a hardboiled egg on the side

hardboiled egg, english muffin & side salad (yep for breaky)

Snacky Snacks

hardboiled egg

apple with peanut butter

cheese stick or yogurt with fruit

Here’s where I rant about the benefits of menu planning:

I love menu planning! I have learned over time that planning truly is a lifesaver! Dinner can be so stressful but not at my house!! Not anymore!! Jenna taught me all she knows about menu planning and it has been the best thing I have done for my health, sanity, weight loss, and my family!! Menu planning has leaked into other aspects of my life. Planning keeps me organized and focused!!

Are you menu planning? Are you linked up with Jenna?

Sunday:  Sunday night Spaghetti! We are not Italian but we like our Italian-style Sunday night dinners. One of the my favorite scenes from The Sopranos were the Sunday night dinners! Yes, this Jersey girl LOVES the Sopranos! I love mafia/mob/organized crime movies and shows!

Monday:  Chili-rubbed Pork chops (new recipe from Food Network magazine) with a mexican rice dish (rice with corn, beans, salsa, and enchilada sauce)

Tuesday: Bubbles and Squeak! Big Man is crazing a St. Patty’s meal and I hate ham and cabbage! I like cabbage but not all boiled and soggy…eww! Bubbles & Squeak sounds like the best of both worlds! and I really like the name!

Wednesday: Breakfast for Dinner!! Another family favorite!! Since it is a karate night (and also a C25K training day for me) breakfast is the perfect option! The kid has requested Cream Chipped Beef – not my fave but I will make it for her!!

Thursday: Pizza CheeseSteaks! I love homemade cheesesteaks! They are quickly becoming a family favorite! The best part is we really like my version better than take-out so we refuse to order cheesesteaks anymore. I know cheesesteaks are not exactly healthy but my version is extremely low in fat (compared to the original) and I use LF cheese (or laughing cow) and LOADS of veggies! Oven fries are a definite part of this meal!! I use potatoes, PAM, salt & pepper! Simple and yummy!

Friday:  Cajun Marinated Shrimp & Steak (Big Man has come around to my way of thinking! We are sharing a nice steak!) with a potato & pepper hash.

Menu planning has become part of my weekend routine. Big Man and I usually sit on Sunday with a cup of coffee and the weekly sales ads. This week, we have a very tight budget! Basically, we need to spend as little as possible. The freezer and the pantry are well stocked so it was not too hard planning-wise. All that is really needed at the grocery is cat & laundry supplies. And of course the trip to the produce store ~ must keep up with loads of veg and fruit!

Menu planning has helped me and my family in so many ways!! If you are not planning, why the heck not?!?! Try it!! Try it right now!! Try it for one week and you will be hooked!! Not sure how to start? Start here at my girl , Jenna’s place!! She has links to all kinds of menu planners. Read through some menus, get some ideas, menu plan for one week then come and tell me how it went!!

much love, Jen

Needless to say, I have been in the house and not eating all that bad but not all that great! Really, I just ate too much this weekend! This week will focus on lots of veggies!

monday: Barley Stuffed Peppers -I am going to add diced zucchini to the stuffing and make cauliflower fritters on the side.

tuesday: Chicken Caesar Salad

wednesday: Breakfast for Dinner – the kid has requested pancakes and bacon. She loves breakfast for dinner!

thursday:  Skirt Steak Fajitas – loaded with peppers and onions and such.

friday: Pork Goulash – I found a slow cooker cookbook that I forgot I had. Big man looked through it and found a couple recipes he wanted to try. I settled on this one for this week.

One of my goals this year was to try one new food or recipe each week. So far I have been doing good with this goal but I haven’t really mentioned it too often. This week I am hitting both: I have never had barley (so actually, barley qualifies as a new food and a new recipe) and I have never made the Pork Goulash. I am very excited about this week’s dinner.

Lunches will be leftovers from dinners plus there is leftover chicken pot pie and spaghetti in the fridge. Hubs also took out some homemade ham & bean soup out of freezer.

Breakfasts will be eggs (with leftover veg or hashbrowns cooked in Pam), or oatmeal with apples or bananas

*Every week I write this menu plan. Every week there are life stresses…but I always know what I am having for dinner. This is one stress I am glad I do not have in my life. My good friend, Jenna, introduced me to menu planning and I am so happy she did! Menu planing keeps me sane, there are no more days of standing in front of the fridge wondering what the heck I am making for dinner.  I post a handwritten copy of this menu on the fridge and hubby and daughter help with dinners, either getting stuff out of freezer or helping pull everything out to make dinner.

If you are not menu planning, I strongly suggest you try it out!!